Once upon a time, a very long time ago, I was 19 years old and in a ska band.

Once upon a time, I played horn in a ska band called Five Bucks Short.

Once upon a time, I played horn in a Christian Ska Band called Five Bucks Short, and it was our mission to “skankify” all the hymns in the Salvation Army Songbook. [For those of you not well versed in 90’s music lingo, that means we were determined to re- arrange all the hymns in the ska genre, so you could, theoretically, jump around and thrash dance to them]. 

Once upon a time, I played horn in a Christian Ska Band, and we somehow convinced the Salvation Army summer camp leaders to let us play a ‘gig’ for a campfire program at our national band camp.

We blared our horns, scream-sang our songs, and thrash danced around the campfire, wearing converse sneakers, ripped black and white checkered flannel shirts, and Elmer’s glued fauxhawks with our Salvation Army uniforms. 

And on that day, dressed in my uniform with the deliciously not-regulation flannel tied around my waist,  these words came out of my mouth when speaking with the head of The Salvation Army on the East Coast….

“DUDE, there are some serious BANGERS in the Songbook! Don’t be such a BUMMER man!” 

The late 90s were a weird time. 

Five Bucks Short had a mission.

And that mission was to get kids our age excited about these hymns from the 1800s. I mean, with songs that had  lyrics like “The revolution now begins, send the fire, send the fire, send the fire!”

Who WOULDN’T want to scream that at the top of their lungs in worship?!? 

Or at least that’s what we told ourselves. 

On one level, that mission was true.

We DID think the lyrics of a lot of the hymns were amazing, but the way they were sung was a giant snooze-fest. 

We DID want to show other folks our age that there WERE some “serious bangers” in the hymnal. 

But what my 19 year old, not fully formed teenage brain DIDN’T want to, or wasn’t capable of admitting, was that hymnal-awareness was not our primary motivation for, as Colonel Moretz put it, “butchering holy pieces of music.” 

All six of us in the band, whether we realized it or not, had a different, more latent fire smoldering in our bones when we decided to make ourselves into a hymn-focused ska band. 

Some of our motivation WAS, in fact, Shock Value.

Not just because we were petty little jerks who wanted to irritate our parents…..we wanted to be SEEN.

As part of Gen X, we felt pretty invisible most of the time, and as we were aging into adulthood in the church, we still felt like no one saw us, or cared if we were there at all….so we were going to MAKE them see us by getting in their faces and making them as uncomfortable as possible until they couldn’t ignore us, our opinions, and our needs any longer. 

Send the fire indeed. 

What I’m really trying to get at, by sharing this with you, is the idea that every one of us has a fire in our bones, fueled by motivations we might recognize on the surface, but often stoked by sources we may not even fully comprehend until we dig deep into our own hearts and minds.

We all carry within us a unique blend of emotions, and experiences, and desires.

Figuring out what exactly fuels our  internal combustion can be tricky, and a little scary, because what if what is fueling it isn’t as ‘pure’ a motivation as you want it to be or wish it was?

What if, like our ska band, the subconscious fuel of our fire makes us seem  entirely too human? 

So what are the main fuels for the combustion engines of our souls?

What keeps the fire in our bones going, and how do we figure it out in the first place? 

The answer lies within the intricate web of human emotion, where fear, anger, joy, compassion, love, and the desire for inclusion all coexist and contribute to the vibrant tapestry of our lives, and it’s going to be unique to each of us, a complex interplay of emotions that are all valid and deserving of our understanding.

Let’s look at just a few. 

• Fear: It’s undeniable that fear can be a potent motivator. Fear of the unknown, fear of failure, fear of loss – these can drive us to extraordinary heights, pushing us beyond our perceived limitations. Constant fear can also lead to chronic anxiety, making it difficult to make decisions and take action, if we only stoke our fire with that alone.
  
• Anger: When injustice or inequality burns within us, anger can be a powerful catalyst for change.  It can fuel activism, inspire revolutions, and drive us to fight for what we believe in. Chronic anger can lead also  to burnout, resentment, and strained relationships, if we only stoke our fire with it alone.

• Joy: The sheer exuberance of joy can be incredibly motivating. The thrill of discovery, the ecstasy of creation, the simple pleasure of connection – these experiences can ignite a fire within us, propelling us forward with enthusiasm and vigor. But, an unrelenting pursuit of constant joy can lead to a fear of missing out, creating a sense of urgency and anxiety, or even burnout, where nothing feels joyful any longer.
  
• Compassion: The desire to alleviate suffering, to help others, to make a positive impact on the world – this profound sense of compassion can be a powerful fuel, driving us to dedicate our lives to service and altruism. Constant exposure to suffering can lead to burnout and compassion fatigue, leaving us feeling emotionally drained and unable to effectively help others, or can bring on feelings of overwhelm and helplessness, potentially leading to apathy.
  
• Love: Love, in all its forms – romantic, familial, platonic – can be an incredibly potent force. The love for our loved ones, the love for our community, the love for humanity itself – these powerful emotions can inspire us to great acts of courage, sacrifice, and selflessness. Unhealthy expressions of love can lead to co-dependency and enabling behaviors, hindering the growth and independence of others. And we all know that the experience of love inevitably includes the risk of heartbreak and disappointment.
  

And finally

• The Desire for Inclusion: The yearning to belong, to be accepted, to feel valued – this fundamental human need can be a powerful motivator. It can drive us to strive for excellence, to build meaningful connections, and to create a more inclusive and diverse world. The flip side here can be that the desire to fit in can lead to robotic conformity and a loss of individuality, hindering personal growth and authenticity.

By acknowledging both the positive and negative aspects of these motivators, we can cultivate a more balanced and nuanced understanding of what drives us. This awareness can help us harness the power of these emotions constructively while mitigating their potential downsides.

But perhaps the most potent fuel of all is a deep-seated belief in something greater than ourselves.

This could be a belief in a higher power, a belief in a better future, or simply a belief in the inherent goodness of humanity.

This belief can provide us with purpose, meaning, and the unwavering strength to keep living in a world that inevitably disappoints and frightens us. 

Ultimately, the fire in our bones is a unique blend of these and other fuels. It is the driving force behind our passions, our pursuits, and our very existence.

Our soul-fires are stoked by  a complex and ever-evolving blend of emotions, experiences, and beliefs, and it can and should change over time.

So as we move through a world that is increasingly unstable, let’s cultivate this inner fire. Nurture its embers.

Allow it to guide us towards our purpose, meaning, and fulfillment.

Embrace the diverse forces that ignite our souls and use them to create a life fire that warms us from the inside out.

Send the fire.

Send the fire.

Send the fire.