A long time…a lifetime….ago, a piece of spoken word poetry wormed its way into my heart. Not the whole piece, just one line, but it’s stuck with me for decades now. 

“To be seen is to be known, and to be known is to be loved, and you see me.

You SEE me.” 

That line. 

It shatters me. 

Inspires me. 

Scares the shit out of me. 

It’s terrifying to be open. 

Whether we want to admit it or not, on some level, we are all afraid to be seen, to be heard. We desperately want to tell people what we really feel, yet, we are terrified to tell someone what is on our heart at a given moment, what we’re thinking, or how much they mean to us. 

We fear rejection. 

We fear ridicule. 

We…fear. 

Do we, on some level, fear what would happen if we DID open the doors of our hearts to one another and let love flood in? 

Or do we fear knowing that feeling and then losing it?  

Ouch. That one stings. 

It takes courage to be vulnerable with one another. 

We are so used to presenting our best selves to the world that the deep places of our hearts, the places that are hurting, or tender, or, dare I say, sacred, become hidden corners, kept under lock and keys in the vault of our souls. 

Why? 

Why do we do that? 

Why are we so afraid to love each other? 

We hold each other at arm’s length, protecting our wounded, tender hearts from more pain, afraid to truly be SEEN, and KNOWN, and LOVED. 

It takes courage to speak the truths of your life, share the deep places of our hearts. 

We wonder if it’s worth it. 

When did we forget that the deepest parts of us are the parts that desperately need to be seen? 

And when we find a person who can see into those places….who has the keys that fit our locks, we simply must be brave enough to let them in. 

I’m not talking about a romantic partner, though it could be. 

No. I’m talking about friendship here. Real, true, deep friendship. 

We all need that person wants to unfold all of our layers, to know us through and through.      We need that person who sees the real us behind the façade we show the world. That person who wants to know our secrets, and share theirs with you. 

Let them.

Let them open you, let them experience you. 

Share with them the things you cover up, the secrets you never thought you’d let out. That’s when love floods in—the moment we quit hiding and are finally SEEN. KNOWN. LOVED.  

Last night, I wrote myself a letter as I processed through my thoughts on this topic. 

But love, and fear, are pretty universal, so It’s for you too. 

 

Dear Me, 

I know you’re scared. You have every reason to be. I know you’ve been abandoned before. You lost the person who was supposed to…who said they would never leave you. But they did. I was there the nights you cried until your tears absorbed into your pillow in the darkness – tears that no one was there to dry.

I know there have been people…family…friends… who have hurt you, taken advantage of you, only wanted you around because of what you could do for them, and made you feel like an idiot. 

I know why you built those walls around your heart. I know about the locks. I understand.

You’ve learned that the only person you can really trust is yourself. You rely on yourself for everything. You’ve learned to keep other people at arms length. You know all the people, have lots of friends, but no one gets close enough to cause another heartbreak like your father, or the only person you ever dared to call ‘best friend’.

I know that being this vulnerable scares you. But I also know your story, where you came from. You have had the courage to overcome so many things already. I know it’s in there. 

It’s time to be brave and let people in.

It’s time to let yourself be seen. And known. And loved. 

It’s time to allow someone to take the locks off your heart and open the door to real, deep, forever friendship.  

It’s hard not to be so protective. It’s hard not to hold people at arm’s length. 

But, you don’t have to compare every new relationship to the past. You don’t have to expect that people will hurt or use you, or abandon you. 

Be open. 

I know vulnerability is terrifying, but choosing it…choosing to be seen, and known, and loved…. 

That’s strong, raw, and real.

I promise it will be worth it.   

Love, 

Me